This Fourth of July, let’s remember and honor our past. Let’s also take the time to celebrate our present. Don’t miss out on opportunities to demonstrate your patriotism and to make fun memories with those you care about. Go for a hike, take a swim, share a meal, watch a movie, or do anything that creates a special moment while you honor our country in the present. We live in an incredible nation with amazing freedoms. It is up to us to keep our values and freedoms alive. 

I keep thinking that it can’t be true. How have we been pursuing this vision for so long? I can’t be this old! But it is, in fact, true that this year we celebrate 25 years of striving to make a difference in the lives of others through counseling and leadership development. We have grown into an international organization that remains centered around people and focused on relationships. We have walked with over 560,000 people on this journey, and over one million people have taken our Personality Profile to help them better understand themselves and others.

Throughout the years, scores of people will enter and then leave our lives. Some stay longer than others. Some we choose to have in our lives, and others we do not. I think that the most important thing is to discern who truly cares about us and who is driven by his or her own agenda. It is the rare person who gives of themselves to make someone else stronger, better, and more fulfilled. It is incredibly rare when someone is worthy of holding your heart.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”

The most important thing that Pops taught me was the value of unconditional and enthusiastic love. His Dad (who died before I was born) was a compassionate and loving man, and Pops continues that legacy with his family today. We weren’t wealthy growing up, but we had an abundance of unconditional love and affection in our home. I don’t take this for granted — too many people grow up in homes without a loving father, or with a father who loves his family but struggles to show it.

It was the same house, the same furniture, the same people living there… but things were different. We found ourselves laughing a bit more, enjoying ourselves, and having more fun. There was one thing that was different — we had just brought a 2-month-old miniature Golden Doodle puppy into our home. Her name is Honey Bear.

I’m not sure how we got here. Today, we live in and experience an incredibly divided society. It’s the left versus the right, Millennials versus Gen X, or this religion versus that religion. We find ourselves constantly feeling polarized, isolated and misunderstood.

The antidote to having polarized relationships is empathy. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is the secret to successful relationships on all levels. It is important to remember that empathy is a choice. It can be taught, practiced, and learned — anyone can have empathy for others.

It used to be called Decoration Day. It took place on different days depending on where you lived. Then, in 1971, it became a national holiday called Memorial Day. With the chaos and confusion that surrounds us and divides us, it is important to remember that this holiday can and should unite us as a country. I know there are times set apart for our international friends who read this email to honor their fallen military men and women. This is that time for our country, the United States of America.

Relationships are messy. They are complex and require energy and effort. My friend seemed at times exhausted from the stress and difficulty that he was facing. That’s when he taught me an incredible lesson about life and love. I asked him why he didn’t just end the relationship and move on. He looked at me and said, “All my life I have been determined to fight for what I want. I know how to persevere and I know that this relationship is worth fighting for. So I will keep working to make this relationship healthy.”

This week, we honor the Moms. These remarkable women have nurtured, influenced, and loved us throughout our lives. For many, including myself, our mothers raised us and profoundly shaped who we are. For others of us, maybe the woman who impacted you the most wasn’t a parent, but someone who invested in you and gave you support and encouragement as you were growing up. Some of us still cherish the presence of these women in our lives, while others may not have that privilege. Whatever your experience, it’s undeniable that each of us has been deeply impacted by women in our lives.

One definition of pursue is “to go after” or “lean into” something, even if it’s hard. Anything that is truly valuable is worth pursuing. It is amazing to me how easily we seem to forget this principle when it comes to the people in our lives.

I have a sister and we have done life together for over 50 years. As adults, we have developed a close and meaningful relationship. We are different, and yet we share a common family bond that will never go away. Navigating sibling relationships can be tricky. There is no perfect relationship and the same is true for siblings. However, we can grow in our relationships. It takes making a choice to invest and to learn how to connect with those we care about.

It was going to be a serious and potentially difficult conversation with someone he loved. My friend Jack knew that in order for it to go well, he had to do more than simply communicate his concerns. He was a Leading Lion in the MAD (our Make A Difference personality profile) terminology, and she was a Tranquil Turtle. That’s why he decided to create a runway that would lead to a productive conversation. Jack knew that his loved one needed time to prepare and time to process when dealing with important matters. He also knew that as a Turtle, she would not respond well to emotional or aggressive language.

Reflecting on the Turtles in my life, I've come to realize that they not only possess wisdom but also create a nurturing environment of safety. It's a journey that requires us to slow down and invest the time and effort to truly connect with them. While the Turtle’s slow-and-steady pace may challenge some, the transformative results are undeniably worth the journey.

Do you know someone who has natural charisma? This person can naturally talk to anyone about anything at any time. I know a person who has those qualities. He is fun to be around and seems to have tons of friends in his life. The truth is that many mistake his natural people skills for joy or fulfillment. They think that his extrovert personality equals always being happy and on top of the world. He is misunderstood. Once he became aware of a few things about himself, he was able to communicate with others on a deeper level.

We were walking at my favorite place in the world, the beach. Specifically, the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Lately, the shorelines are filled with seashells. They arrive in all shapes, sizes, and colors. As we were walking, my wife, Melanie, said, “They all have one thing in common… they are broken”.

I know a couple who have very different perspectives. She is a detail-oriented Camel, and he is a big-picture Lion who is not detailed in the least. They struggled to communicate and to hear what the other was truly trying to say. Things changed when they learned to speak each other’s personality language. The husband said that learning how to communicate with his camel wife was truly a game changer for their relationship. Here are 3 things to remember when communicating with a Competent Camel:

A leader was trying to communicate with a colleague who has a Lion personality. The Lion made many assumptions, dominated the conversation, and totally did not hear what the other person was trying to say. This resulted in frustration and damaged their working relationship. It is important to understand how to communicate with Lions. Here are a few things to remember when engaging with a Lion:

I love this time of year. It’s the month that some call “March Madness”. While I’m pumped about this season of basketball, I am more excited about our own “MADness”. For us, MAD stands for Make A Difference, and we use it to refer to our personality assessment that has been taken by over a million individuals in the last 25 years. For us, that statistic is exciting not because of the number of times our profile has been used, but because of the number of people and relationships that have been impacted and strengthened as a result.

I have observed thousands of relationships and have definitive proof that all successful relationships take work. Those who allow their lives and interactions with others to become stale and stagnant will eventually fail at being fulfilled in their relationships and ultimately, in their life. The problem is that many simply do not understand how to do the work of building and sustaining healthy relationships. Maybe the desire is there, but investing in the wrong things leads us in the wrong direction when it comes to connecting with others.

For those who are in broken or difficult relationships, Valentine’s Day may seem to pour salt in an open wound. Some will try to ignore all the fuss about love and get to the other side of all the red and pink cards, hearts, and candy as quickly as possible.

I have another idea. Why don’t we celebrate a different type of love this week? What if we use all the hype and advertising blizzards to remind us that we can choose to love life and all of the opportunities that we have every day? We can show love by buying a cup of coffee for a stranger, smiling at someone we normally don’t notice, or taking the time to stop and genuinely listen to someone who could use an ear. Maybe bring a Valentine to someone who’s struggling or down on their luck. Maybe pay a compliment to the very next person you see, no matter who it is.