Turn Down The Heat
Depending on where you live, the temperatures may be rising outside. Where I live, the sweltering summer heat can become uncomfortable and, at times, almost unbearable. The same thing can happen in our relationships.
When the temperature of a conversation begins to rise, our natural response is often to turn up the heat. We talk louder, defend harder, and listen less. Before long, we're no longer trying to understand each other—we're simply trying to win. Unfortunately, winning an argument can sometimes come at the cost of damaging a relationship.
So, what can we do when things get heated?
First, lower your voice instead of raising it. Your tone can either add fuel to the fire or help lower the temperature.
Second, get curious instead of defensive. Ask a sincere question like, "Help me understand why this is so important to you." Curiosity creates space for understanding.
Third, know when to take a break. Sometimes the healthiest thing we can say is, "Let's take a break and come back to this." Be sure to agree on a specific time to continue the conversation. A break isn't avoidance if you're committed to returning to it.
The truth is, heated conversations are going to happen. Healthy relationships aren't relationships without conflict; they're relationships where people learn how to manage the temperature when conflict comes.
The next time you feel the heat rising, pay attention to your tone, choose curiosity, and give the conversation room to cool when needed.
When we choose to shift from turning up the heat to lowering the temperature, it will make a difference.
Larry
Check out our latest episode of the RelationShifts Podcast:
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